Dateline: 29 May 2006

teacher: Could someone name me some infectious diseases? Nolan?

Nolan: Menopause.

teacher: I beg your pardon?

Nolan: When you drink from somebody's glass, you get the menopause.

teacher: I beg your pardon?

Nolan: Well, it starts with an 'm'.

teacher: Mononucleosis?

 
Dateline: 27 April 2006

teacher: Oh. Is he British?

Cécile: He's very ugly, but he's not British.

 
Dateline: 17 March 2006

teacher: ...Siva as Natraj, the Lord of the Dance, in a circle of fire...

Olivier: How many arms has he got?

teacher: Oh, you've certainly seen the statue. I believe he's got four.

Olivier: Hasn't he got eight legs? Oh no, wait. That's an octopus.

 
Dateline: 29 September 2005

teacher: (during independent-reading session, grade 7): "When did you shoot a gun?"

Philipp: "When I went hunting. I shot a deer."

teacher: "A deer! Does your father know you killed Bambi?"

Philipp: "Yup. He killed Bambi's mother."

 
Dateline: 15 June 2005

Nils (commenting on text-handling part of the final exam):

teacher: Smart aleck.

 
Dateline: 15 May 2005

Ana:

 
Dateline: 2 May 2005

Alexandra (smiling): Hi, Sir. I like your jacket.

teacher: Are you being ironic?

Alexandra: No no. I really do. It makes you look like a giant green... Daphné, how do you say crapaud in English?

 
Dateline: 21 February 2005

teacher: Who is smarter? You, or a computer? (relaxed, tranquil hand-raising) Marco?

Marco: I'm sorry, but I don't understand the question.

 
Dateline: 8 September 2004

teacher: Please read. Ipek.

Ipek: The War of the Worlds. Book one. The coming of the martinis.

 
Dateline: 10 June 2004

teacher: Stop throwing water balloons here!

Nils: It's summer. Why can't we have a water fight? We're not hurting anyone. It's hot. It's only water. It'll dry. Why can't we? It's so unfair. Injustice! That's why there was a French Revolution. The aristocrats refused to give in to the peasants on a few little things, and so the peasants blah blah blah... You are an aristocrat blah blah blah... Revolution blah blah blah blah...

teacher: Zzzzzzz zzzzz zzzzzz

 
Dateline: 23 May 2004

teacher: When is the story set?

student#1: Nowadays.

student#2: What is "nowadays"? For me the 1980s are not "nowadays."

teacher (laughing self-deprecatingly): Well, for me, the 1960s are nowadays!

Derek: For you the 1860s are nowadays.

 
Dateline: 13 May 2004

teacher: "Much." Stéphane?

Aubrey (whispering): Much more most

teacher: Aubrey! Don't help him!

Aubrey: I wasn't helping him. I was just reminding him of what he already knew.

Dateline: 10 May 2004

teacher: ...And a hamburger cost only 15¢, two for a quarter...

(Wild hand waving from the front of the classroom.)

teacher: Yes, Derek?

Derek: Did they have colour TV when you were alive?

Dateline: 2 June 2003 (a double-header)

teacher: "Where did St. Peter go after he left the Holy Land?" (frantic hand-raising) "Severi?"

Severi: "St Petersburg?"

a few moments later...

teacher: "What happened to Peter at the end of his life?" (frantic hand-raising) "Severi?"

Severi: "He died."

Dateline: 19 May 2003

Caroline: "Paris had to give the golden apple to the most beautiful of the goddesses."

teacher: "And whom did he choose?"

Caroline: "Aphrodite. Because she promised him the most beautiful woman in the world."

teacher: "And who was the most beautiful woman in the world?" (frantic hand-raising) "Severi?"

Severi: "Cinderella."

Dateline: 6 March 2003

Romeo and Juliet. Act 1, Scene 2. (Enter Capulet in his gown, and his Wife)

Capulet:              What noise is this? Give me my long sword, ho!

Capulet's Wife:   A crutch, a crutch! Why call you for a sword?

(Wild gesticulation from the back of the classroom.)

teacher: Yes, Katherine?

Katherine: That's horrible!!!

teacher: What?

Katherine: Capulet! Why does he call his wife a 'ho'???

Dateline: Lupercal - IX, MMIII

Julius Caesar. Act 4, Scene 1. Asia Minor. (Enter Antony with papers, Octavius, and Lepidus)

teacher: Ok. Severi, you're Mark Antony. Notice, by the way, the hypocrisy of the man. What a mistake Brutus made in not dealing with him on the Ides of March. Or, perhaps, by ridding Rome of one evil, he unleashed a far greater one.

Severi: Could we discuss Rome (or hypocrisy, or hockey, or garden gnomes) at great length on Friday?

teacher: Sure, Severi. Thibault, you're Octavius.

Thibault: Is Octavius... Well, does he suffer just a BIT from... Would you say he... Hmm?

teacher: We shall see. Be patient. Marion, you're Lepidus. The role is perfect for you. It's very short.

Marion: Ho ho ho.

(Wild gesticulation from the back of the classroom.)

teacher: Yes, Beth?

Beth: Can I be Asia Minor?

 

(Beth has been brought to you by Lakefield College School,
in collaboration with the ENSR Sophomore Ensemble.)

(Katherine has been brought to you by...
OH THE HUMANITY!.)

(Severi. He did it on purpose. I'm convinced.)

(Derek. A cheeky 8th grader. The future is assured.)

(Aubrey. An Aussie. The colonies are rich in wit.)

(Marco. 12 years old. An unsuspected wag.)